Dave can’t ever seem to get enough sleep since he has received a batch of chicks in the mail, among other things. LaVere is sick again. His brother Ward pays a visit. Ruth continues to have dental issues, and reports that Mrs. Finkelstein isn’t doing well. She and Mildred Scott talk about getting an apartment together to save money.
April 8, 1935
Middleburg, N.Y.
Dear Ruth,
Yep it’s me, broadcasting from my little five watt station down in the sticks or somewhere. I’m in a dangerous mood, too, so watch yourself and if you hear anything unfit for your ears, just tune in on another station. Someday this even disposition I think I have is going to bust wide open and there will be great doings on this here ranch and either I or someone else will be hunting a new bunk house.
However, to change the subject and maybe by the time I have finished this letter I’ll be feeling better. I’m not going to attempt the impossible that is a letter of sufficient length and content to meet your standard of requirements, so don’t be surprised if this should come to an abrupt end somewhere near where the middle should be. By the way, why don’t you give me the exact specifications of your idea of a perfect letter and maybe sometime when I have plenty of spare time, I’ll try and compose one.
We had to drive rather slowly going home last night so it was just 4:00 a.m. when I got in. When the call to breakfast came this morning at 7:00 the fog was so thick I had to have help pushing it aside before I could get out of bed and did I pull a bright stunt this afternoon. Before I go any farther though I must secure your promise never to breathe a word of this or I’ll have to equip you with that safety valve you were going to get for Lydia. Well, it was something like this. After dinner I went out to the brooder house to shake down the fire and put on more coal. While I was waiting for it to burn up I sat down on a bag of shavings and they were so soft I slid down to nearly a horizontal position and what happened? Yeah, you guessed it. Somewhat over an hour later I was awakened by loud laughter and looked up to see my mother standing in the doorway. Boy was my face red. I’ll know enough not to try sitting down again on Monday. But remember, mum is the word or I’ll surely muzzle you.
How is the radio working, or are you still holding your finger on it for an aerial? It should be a good little machine and I’ll bet you will get lots of enjoyment out of it. The week is long enough as it is and without your letters it would be twice as long.
Did you get the tooth fixed yet? I hope so. When I opened the car door this morning all I could smell was peppermint. You can even smell it yet tonight. What did you do, massage the upholstery with it.
As I warned you at the beginning of this letter, the end would come rather abruptly. My mind refuses to function any farther and I’ll have to stop. I’ll probably suffer for it in some way but it can’t be helped. Let it come and I’ll take it.
Goodnight, Stubby, I’ll see you in my dreams.
Dave
P.S. I still insist I showed up as well as down Sunday, that ties should be worn inside the vest and girls should not wear glasses when they go out Sunday nights.
Space below reserved for comments by the reader and under no consideration to be used by the writer.
This letter meets the approval of the reader. The contents were very good, only rather brief. During times of depression I hate to see anything wasted so from now on the writer will kindly fill in the space on both sides of the paper on at least two sheets.
Comments on Paragraph I: The writer must leave Albany before 10:30 on Sunday night so he can be more agreeable on Monday.
II: The specifications I believe have already been listed, so we will skip it.
III: I certainly am ashamed of what you did Monday. I would never do such a thing, and it only goes to prove that you can’t take it.
IV: The radio is working swell but since I no longer use my finger for an aerial, I seem to get a little more than my share of static. I’m awfully sorry but my correspondence will have to go while I listen to my radio.
V: My tooth has been discussed in a previous letter I believe.
VI: Pul-ease, we will have no more ending letters where the middle should be or it will be “1:30 at the house and 2:00 at the church, please omit flowers” or sompin’. If you get what I mean.
P.S. You didn’t shave up, you shaved down. Who keeps you from wearing your tie inside your vest? Girls should wear glasses to their companions won’t put one over on them (such as swiping a class pin).
Conclusion of comments.
Miss Parker
April 8, 1935
70 Jay Street
Albany, N.Y.
Dear Dave,
Here I am at the dentist again and what a pleasure. If he doesn’t fix my tooth before long, I’m going to have him take it out.
I managed somehow to perform my duties this morning (not saying how). Macbeth managed to get me out of bed at 7:20. I don’t know what I would ever do if I didn’t have that clock. I guess I would have to go to bed early every night.
I stopped in at the house on my way down and I see that the radio is still there. Maybe she wants to wait until she can put me out with it. I will probably be as big a nuisance to the rest of the people in the house as a guy with a saxophone.
Pardon the intermission. What a relief, my tooth isn’t fixed, but at least it doesn’t ache at present. He asked me if it had bothered me and then he told me just how it acted and said that was why he wanted to see it last Saturday. I have had toothaches before but never anything like that. He said the stuff he put in last Wednesday formed a gas inside the tooth and it caused pressure on the nerve. Just as soon as he drilled a hole and let the gas out it felt better. However, the drilling ordeal was no picnic.
I have the radio going without the wire and I’m not holding my finger on it either. I guess I’m a magician or sompin’. I can’t get but one station, but I should worry. If I had had to keep my finger on the darn thing, I fear you would have been out of luck for a letter.
What was the matter with Lydia and Fran last night? Gee, was I disappointed. I expected to witness a swell fight. I guess I’ll have to give them a few lessons.
I couldn’t take a dancing lesson tonight because I don’t know where Murray is anymore.
I hope you didn’t have any more flats going home last night (pardon me, I mean this morning). You didn’t keep your word. You said once that if you ever had a flat and I was in the car, you were going to make me fix it. You didn’t even let Lydia hold the bolts in your hat.
You didn’t tell me whether you want some typewriter paper or not. I don’t like it for myself but I think it would be very nice for you. What do you think?
I still don’t believe that you are two letters ahead of me. Nope, I guess you had better brush up on your math and learn to count. It might be that I counted some of your letters twice. I know something like that must have happened.
Gee whiz, all I can get is light opera. I think I’ll take the radio out and see if the peanut vendor will trade even for a bag of peanuts.
If you see Fran this week, remind him to ask his Salisbury if he is any relation to my Salisbury. I’m getting awfully curious.
Mrs. Finklestien’s eye is about the same so I suppose we will have a specialist in tomorrow. She sure gets the tough breaks. I don’t blame her much for being pessimistic, it seems like she gets one thing after another.
I just manufactured an aerial. First of all, I hung the scissors on that place where a wire should be, then I added a door key and a nail file. I have WGY now. Next I’ll have Europe.
I’m having a terrible time smothering the yawns. Maybe you can sympathize with me.
The sandman is creeping up on me, so I think I’ll call it a day.
Ruth P.
P.S. I still like lengthy letters even if I did make this one sort of short.
April 10, 1935
Middleburg, N.Y.
Dear Ruth,
Well I guess it is letter writing time again. Seems like all I do is write letters to a swell little girl in Albany. I did have intentions of letting it go until tomorrow night but after thinking it over I decided I couldn’t be so neglectful.
Ward Coffin, 1933
My brother, Ward, came home this afternoon and I have been spending most of the evening chinning with him. He told me about seeing Harriet at the dance but if Lydia hadn’t mentioned it last Sunday night, I wouldn’t have known who he was talking about as he had forgotten her name. He is still without the use of a car. Quite a novelty for him but he says he doesn’t mind it much. I guess he goes just as much as he ever did, car or no car.1
My chicks arrived last night in a blinding snowstorm. What a day they picked for a birthday. I was up until 2:00 a.m. trying to introduce them to the brooder stove and then I got up at five this morning. Consequently, I am about as sleepy as I was Monday. I’ll have to get up at five every morning for a while and do I like that.
I haven’t seen Fran as yet except when he goes by here in the Hup2 but if I do see him, I’ll remind him to clear up the Salisbury situation.
LaVere has been home with a cold and ear trouble again today. I never saw anyone catch cold as easy as he. It has been one after another all winter. Today his neck is swollen behind both ears and Mother is all up in the air again. It is harder on her than it is on him.
Have you got an aerial yet? If not, I’ll bring along a couple of nail files and a pair of scissors Sunday. That added to your collection and you should be able to get Chile with the window open.
No, we didn’t have any more flats on the way home. Why didn’t you remind me when we had that one about my promise to make you fix it. Sorry I disappointed you so. Next time don’t be so backward. Just hop right out and go to work. No one will get angry I’m sure.
Say, what is this about the typewriter paper. It went clear over my head Sunday night. Now here it crops up again in your letter and I’m still all at sea. Am I just dumb or isn’t there any catch in it. Come on, explain.
Say, speaking of radios makes me think of something. It seems like everyone I have talked to in the past couple of weeks has asked me if I heard some program Sunday night. When I tell them no, they look at me as if I had committed some kind of sin by not doing so and then tell me what a wonderful program it was. Guess I’ll have to stay home some Sunday night and listen in. Yeah, just watch me. Not a chance in the world while I can see you instead.
Nope, I didn’t make any mistake in counting. I’m still two up on you. In fact I even gave you the benefit of the doubt and counted one written on one sheet of paper as a letter.
Well, Stubby, something tells me I have reached the end of my rope for tonight, so I’ll sign off with a cheery good night. See you Sunday.
Dave
April 10, 1935
70 Jay Street
Albany, N.Y.
Dear Dave,
Well, “Sleepy Head”, I suppose you are having a swell snooze, while I burn the candle at both ends just to answer your letter. It is now 9:40 p.m. I just got home and got the aerial on the radio. It works pretty good but probably it would work much better if I had it fixed right. I went up to Lydia’s last night after the aerial and stayed all night.
I’m listening to Gracie Allen and I suppose you are listening to Fred Allen.3
I’m not using peppermint anymore so I think I’ll spill the rest of it on your coat. My coat was saturated and now I guess everyone thinks I have developed the habit.
I haven’t as much nerve as I used to have due to the fact that the dentist removed one yesterday. I sure will be glad when I don’t have to go down to see him anymore. Maybe he can fill my tooth Friday.
Wow, has yours truly been busy this week or has she. Mrs. Finklestien’s eye didn’t get any better so yesterday we had Dr. Pitts in the forenoon and Dr. Bedell4 in the afternoon. Believe me, I dreaded to have him come but he wasn’t so bad. He sure knows his business and makes it as brief as possible. I have to call him every day so he can tell me what to do. If I suddenly pass out, you will know it was because I did something wrong. He was in the house about eight minutes.
Her eye has been better today but she has been awfully sick all day. Dr. Pitts left some stuff for her blood pressure and it made her sick to the stomach.5 Dr. Pitts was out of town so I had to call Clarence Traner. It seems like all I do is call doctors. Every time she groans the family thinks she needs a doctor.
I had to stay tonight until nine because she was in one of her nervous spells and raved so you could hear her all over the place. I knew they could never quiet her because as soon as she sees one of them she starts raving. Believe me, there is never a dull moment around there. If it isn’t one darn thing, it is two.
Gee, it must have been embarrassing to be caught taking a nap. I nearly fell asleep in the dentist chair but, of course I didn’t because it isn’t the most comfortable place in the world to sleep.
I stopped at the laundry tonight and who should I bump into but Mildred Scott (one of the girls). She embraced me right there in front of the Chinaman. She says she is paying $4.50 a week for a room and is planning to move. I suggested that we might go in together, so I might make a move. She is going to call me some night. I asked her to come down tonight but she had to go home and write to the boyfriend. She is working at school and I guess they have to do their stuff there. In fact there aren’t many cases that are so much of a snap.
What in the deuce is the matter with you? I can’t believe that you ever get ill tempered. I hope you don’t take your spite out on the family just because you stay up all night.
Maybe sometime when I have nothing to do but write letters and I’m not too sleepy, I may write you a letter as long as I would like to receive. However, I won’t get a week off very soon so you’ll have to wait awhile yet.
Looks like you’ll have to find a girl who doesn’t wear glasses because after all, I can’t be bothered taking my glasses off. It would be awful if I should miss something.
Gee whiz, if you only knew how much will power I have to use to keep from going to bed instead of writing this letter, you wouldn’t insist on me writing. Nope, you would do all of the writing and let me off.
The girls tell me I look all caught up. They had better go easy with that line or they’ll have me buying flowers for myself. I might even have me a nervous breakdown. Gee whiz, a little work never hurt anyone yet. It will be ten weeks day after tomorrow since I had a day off. Ten weeks ago tomorrow night, we graduated. Do you remember? Gee, that sure was a hot night. I get a chill just thinking about it.
I have spent a whole hour on this and haven’t said anything so I’ll give it up as a bad job and retire.
R.J.P.
April 13, 1935
70 Jay Street
Albany, N.Y.
Dear Dave,
In as much as you insist that I am two letters behind you, I suppose I’ll have to make an effort to catch up or else listen to you harp about it for the next six months.
When you receive this letter we will be even as this is a two in one letter or sompin’. Not that there will be any more in it than there ever is. My letters are always chock full of nothing so it won’t matter much.
I sez whata day! They tell me it is a regular spring day such as they have in Middleburg occasionally. What do you think? Oh me, I guess I’ll go back up North where we have nothing but sunshine twelve months a year. Wow! We sure live the life up there. Now, Mr. Wise Guy, that doesn’t call for a slam from you. I can see a look in your eyes that tells me the comeback from that is going to be a swell one.
So the chickens got you up at 5:30 a.m. I bet your mother is glad you have something to get you up so she doesn’t have to serve your breakfast to you in bed. What a snap some people have.
You said your chicks picked out a nice day to arrive. You should have expected that when you ordered males. If you had ordered female chicks, they would have arrived on a nice, sunny day.
Gee whiz, if you fall asleep and leave the stove turned on, the poor little things will be roasted before their time. How many have died already? What are their names, if any?
Hold everything, there goes a Ford with red wheels. Believe me, you never see a Ford with a flat. Nope, ask Lydia.
Listen, Mr. Coughin, we will have no more swearing from you. After all you were the one who got me into the dreadful habit, so, therefore, it is no more than fair that you help me stop by not using profanity in my presence.
Dr. Bedell is coming again tomorrow so just in case anything does happen let me take this time to make my wishes for the future known:
I hereby bequeath to Mr. D. W. Coughin in my last will and testimony one of my cats, “Joe Cuffy” by name. He is not to be mistreated no matter how rough he may treat his master. His diet will be tuna fish and white mice.
Signed, Prof Parker, Esq.
Witnessed by: The bed, bureau and radio.
Whether you know it or not, I am bestowing a great honor upon you when I leave such a well-trained cat in your care.
I have come to the conclusion that if one more person tells me how bad I look, I’ll start feeling sorry for myself and go home on a long vacation. I think I’ll go home with Lydia and stay about two months. You know there is nothing like the country to improve one’s health and disposition (unless they already inhabit the country). The reason I look so much thinner is because I have reduced from taking a little walk twice and sometimes four times a day.
Well, I think I can draw this letter to an end and consider the letter written equal to the letters received. Probably not in quality but in quantity at least. Remember this loses all arguments about who has written the most letters.
Just “Me”
Footnotes
- Gilbert Ward Coffin (1915-1977) had been living in New York City in 1935. He married Frances Erbacher in 1937, and joined the military in 1944.
- The “Hupmobile” was manufactured by the Hupp Motor Car Company from 1909 to 1939 in Detroit, MI. They were pioneering with the use of all steel bodies and fresh air heaters. Their style and affordability made them popular up until the 1930’s when they shifted their business model to larger luxury vehicles that were too expensive for the current market. One of the larger vehicles, however, became the prototype for what is now Greyhound.
- Gracie Allen (1895-1964). American actress, singer, and comedienne. In the early 1920’s, she teamed up with George Burns and started a weekly radio program, “The Burns and Allen comedy show.” The duo also starred in a number of movies. They married in 1926.
- Dr. Arthur J. Bedell (1879-1973), an ophthalmologist, received his M.D. in 1901 from Albany Medical College. He was known for developing a method for photographing the interior of eye and was very well respected in his field. Mrs. Finkelstein would have been in the best of care with him. He lived in Altamont, NY and died at the age of 93, survived by three sons and eight grandchildren.
- Unfortunately, there were no effective treatments available for hypertension in the 1930’s. This “stuff” may have been potassium or sodium thiocyanate, which made people incredibly sick. Around this time and into the 1940’s, the medical profession thought that hypertension was better left untreated. FDR, on the day he died at the young age of 63, had a blood pressure reading of >300/190 mm Hg! Without autopsy, the cause of his death was ruled “cerebral hemorrhage”. Both the 32nd president of the U.S. and Mrs. Finklestein would likely have benefited from breakthroughs in hypertensive medications, which didn’t come around until the 1950’s. For more reading on the history of hypertension treatment, click here.