Francis is getting nervous about meeting Lydia’s family and the wedding. He’s also frustrated that Lydia has lost her job. Ruth gets more dental work, and there is talk of her having to move again.
April 1, 1935
Middleburg, N.Y.
Dear Ruth,
It just seems as if there isn’t any justice. You shouldn’t be getting this letter before Friday and here I am writing it so you’ll get it Wednesday. Am I an old softy or am I? Now laugh because you have your own way again as usual. I even had to make a trip to the store to get this paper as there wasn’t a sheet in the house and don’t expect to get four or five pages in a letter when I am using this size paper. Even my soft nature has a limit you know.
If you feel as ambitious today as I do, I’m afraid your patient won’t receive any more than the required attention. Usually I don’t feel any different Mondays than any other day, but I’m no good today. I started off wrong this morning to begin with. When I awoke at 7 a.m. it was raining so I just turned over and went back to sleep and didn’t get up until nine o’clock. That is another point for you to score a hit on now. Come on, let’s have it. Tell me how easy I have it. Anyway as long as I have started I might as well make a confession of the whole thing. All I did this morning was change that tire on the car. After dinner I went out and started to split some wood and I had only been at that about half an hour when it started to rain. Of course I was looking for an excuse so I was in the house almost before the second drop fell. And here I am now writing this letter which I hope to get finished before the parade of juvenile radio programs start.
Pardon the delay, but I just looked up at the calendar and saw March staring me in the face so I had to remedy that. Somehow or other April looks a little better. I hope it proves better from a financial standpoint at least. This morning I was painfully reminded of the fact that today is the first of April. Mother asked me to get a sliver out of her finger. (No, she hadn’t been scratching my head.) She said she couldn’t see it without her glasses so I gallantly came to the rescue and after a careful examination of the entire area she sprang the old gag, April fool. Was I mortified.
Maybe it would be better if I threw away the bunch of junk I have written and put a few sheets of blank paper in an envelope and called it an April fool letter. It will be a wonder if I don’t get some such contribution from you.
Say, was that remark of yours last night about blind dates necessary? I certainly hope you didn’t mean it the way it could have been taken. I could easily have drawn the conclusion that you don’t think so much of me. However, there remains the fact that you continue to go out with me and while that is practically all the assurance I have, I prefer to think that you go out with me because you do like me. Am I right or am I being too self-sure? Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned this but now that I have got it down, I’ll let it stand. I hope there is nothing in it that you will take an offence at but if there is, please forgive me. I do think an awful lot of you, Ruth, and I can’t help telling you of it once in a while even though I know anyone in my position shouldn’t. I suppose that sounds funny, too. I mean the last part about anyone in my position, but to explain it satisfactorily would require a lot of lengthy detail and the uncovering of a family skeleton which is really not a skeleton but still living, in fact. If I don’t get off from this track, I’ll have you so mixed up you won’t understand a thing I have written. I guess you know from experience with my letters that I could rave on for hours and not say a thing.
So Fran is all burned up about Lydia losing her job, and who wouldn’t be. That is the way with nine tenths of those people. As soon as they can see the end of your usefulness to them in sight they are thru with you. The same thing held true in your experience with McCreedies. Personally, I think it will do Lydia a world of good to get the vacation before she gets married, but if it is the principle of the thing, that gets one. She has worked hard enough for them so that it seems they could afford to show her a little more consideration at least. Just between you and I Fran is worried stiff over the wedding plans. All he could talk about on the way home was how he was going up there and meet the whole family and then get married before he hardly finishes saying hello. He says by the time he reaches Pulaski he will be ready to turn back, and the nearer he gets to the house, the more afraid he will get. It’s a good thing you will be along with him. You might have to tie him in the car and drive yourself before you get there.
He is hoping to open up the station by next Sunday but is not sure if the pumps will arrive in time. If he does, you will be slated for a ride to P.H. next Sunday.
I just looked at the time and I have spent two hours now in writing this. When I started I thought I would be lucky if I filled one sheet and look what I have done. I hope you will appreciate the length of this if not the quality. And anyway since I am one up on you and this is over lengthy, I can be excused from writing later in the week. Can I not?
I hope you are successful in getting a room you will like better or should I say in a neighborhood that is better. It sure is a noisy place where you are now, but then most any place in the center of a city is that way.
Well here is where I sign off and let you take an aspirin. You probably need a couple.
Just me, signing off and waiting for your letter.
Dave
P.S. I just gave the rest of the jelly beans to LaVere after I had made sure there were no black ones. He says thanks, only why aren’t there more of them?
April 1, 1935
70 Jay Street
Albany, N.Y.
Dear Dave,
It is now 3 p.m. and I am starting this in the dentist’s office. I am anticipating the next few minutes with a great deal of pleasure. Now I know how a person feels just before they are electrocuted. I guess I’ll get some false teeth and end the agony.
The war is over for today and strange as it may seem, I am able to be back on duty. He couldn’t do much drilling as my tooth is very sensitive. He put some stuff in it to kill the nerve and told me to come back Wednesday. I guess he thinks that is all I have to do. You would be in Albany most any day but the ones when I have to walk way down to Eagle Street to the dentist. I sure get my share of walking now. If the people at home could see me, they would have a swell laugh.
Nope, I have no fault to find about the letters you wrote last week. Now that you have made such a good start, I suggest you keep the good work up. I hope you and Lydia weren’t too ashamed of me last night, but after being sober all the week and not having anyone to talk to, I feel like raising the deuce when I get a chance. I guess it is the same about the swearing also, as I don’t do it during the week. After all, there isn’t much sense of swearing if there isn’t anyone to listen to it. I also think you have an evil influence on me.
Did you and Fran manage to get the rolling pin home o.k.? I would
Ballston Spa Daily Journal, December 14, 1935
feel terrible if something happened to it and Fran couldn’t have his squash pie.
When I suggested that you take it home and keep it, I didn’t think what the consequences might be. It is just as well you decided not to keep it.
Listen, from now on during the week I think you should find something to do besides teasing Francis. If you should see the boyfriend before Sunday, you might tell him that I said that even if he did come back at you last week and manage to shut you up, he doesn’t have to run around bragging about it.
If it is all the same to you, I don’t mind if you keep Fran away from your house or at least don’t let him see your mother as she gives him new ideas.
Oh yeah, your mother must have a swell impression of me. The picture was bad enough and besides that she found lipstick on your scarf and hat. She gives me credit for putting the press in the wrong way, and probably you have told her that I swear and smoke. Woe is me!
I have a little confession to make. It was something like this, since this is the first day of April I was going to hand you a letter last night with nothing in it, only “April Fool”, but when I got the third letter from you last week, I weakened. You see, I’m not mean all of the time, consequently you got away without letting me fool you even once.
How is your brother? I don’t wonder he got sick if your mother uses you for an example for him. He probably thinks if he has to be as perfect as you are, life won’t be worth living.
Speaking of manners, another six months of your company and I’ll be so well behaved that I can scratch my head with my fork without letting the peas roll off my knife. No kidding, my manners are improving all the time. I never have more than two elbows on the table at a time, never drink sponge cake and am I good at juggling lettuce, tomato and bacon sandwiches.
Nope, I’m not taking a dancing lesson tonight. I have come to the conclusion that I can’t stand being up two nights in succession. So if you really want me to take the lessons, you had better let me get some sleep on Sunday nights. Now that spring is just around the corner and you are going to have a steady position starting sometime before long, I see no reason why you can’t take a few lessons also. I have to have someone to dance with and I’m afraid of those big bad bus drivers. They are awful heavy when they step on one’s toe.
Did you by any chance have your hair parted on the side last night instead of in the middle or have my eyes gone haywire. You were either physically unbalanced or I was mentally unbalanced. Tell me quick ‘cause I’m getting really worried about myself.
Everyone at Finklestiens is very disturbed over the fact that Buster won’t eat her hamburg. Arthur says he thinks she’ll have to eat cream puffs. I suppose your dog has a steady diet of pie or doesn’t he stand a chance around you.
The 1934 film, The White Parade was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture.
Sometime even later 9:00 p.m.
At last I am home and am I tired. Do you remember the fat girl in the “White Parade” who was too tired to even eat candy? I feel just like that only more so. I’ll be glad when nurses join the N.R.A.1 or sompin’. Since you insist on keeping my pin I suppose you will also claim my diploma (if I ever get one).
How were the three “Jelly Beans”? I trust they are devoured since this was a rainy day.
The cat serenade continued for some time after you left, but I couldn’t be bothered staying awake for the conclusion of the concert. So far tonight they seem to be silent. I guess they got discouraged when they heard the choir rehearsal across the street.
Mrs. Thorn asked me what time I got in last night and being the truthful little thing that I am, I had to confess. I guess she must know now that I don’t listen to any Amateur Hour on Sunday night. Mrs. Fink always asks me where I went and if I had a good time. You see, they consider me one of their members.
I suppose you have long since gone to dreamland. What a break! I used to go to bed early, but those days seem to be over for me. I never get to bed much before 10:30. I always hated to get up in the morning even if I went to bed at 7:30.
This week I plan to go to bed early every night. I mean every night I don’t do something else.
Listen, I think I hear the prelude to the cat act. Boy, can that cat swear! I am so glad that my cats had the proper training and never learned to swear.
I guess my time on the air is about up, so I’ll sign off and see how much of a success I’ll be about stopping a toothache.
Station BUNK now signing off until two weeks from tonight.
Ruth
P.S. I took inventory today and find among my souvenirs twenty-four letters and one valentine from Middleburg. They are all on file and none have strayed or been stolen. So what?
How’m I doin’?
April 3, 1935
Middleburg, N.Y.
Dear Ruth,
Since I have been the recipient of such a nice letter today I feel it is my duty to attempt an answer at once. No kidding, it was a swell letter.
You are having plenty of trouble with your teeth, aren’t you? I can sympathize with you as I have had some experience with teeth myself and an honest to goodness toothache is no laughing matter. I was on the verge of having mine all pulled once but an older and wiser person than myself talked me out of it and I spent two months and a trifle over a hundred dollars having them fixed.
Don’t worry over my being alarmed at any of your actions Sunday night. I would much rather see you like that than quiet. If you acted differently, I would think you were sick and don’t try it just for an experiment. Keep up the cheery atmosphere. As for the swearing, I guess all of it you have ever done wouldn’t make one good mouthful for a lot of people, myself included sometimes. The only difference is you reserve yours for Sundays and I let mine out on weekdays.
Not having much to do this P.M., I went down to see Fran and incidentally delivered your message. However, I didn’t heed your instructions to quit teasing him. He paved the way himself with some opening remarks and then I lit into him. Did I have fun. I had him so worried once that I had to sit down and laugh until my stomach hurt and the tears were running. He couldn’t even think of a comeback but he did say that if you didn’t let him alone, he would get even with you when he gets you home. However, I strongly suspect that when that time comes he will be more speechless than harmful. What do you think?
So the extra letter last week served a purpose after all. I’m glad it saved me from the humiliation you had planned for me. I might have been suspicious of the letter anyway and not opened it in your presence, but the chances are I would have fallen for the bait. Speaking of letters, I might add in answer to your inquiry you are doing fine but to date you are just two letters behind. My secretary just handed me a report showing a total of twenty-two letters (including Sunday deliveries), one valentine and, oh yes, Tommy the kitten. Not wishing to be unfair in the matter of letter writing, I’ll make this my last one until you catch up. So if you want to hear from me again very soon, you had better get on the air again and not wait two weeks as you said you were going to do.
I’m afraid that if it is a case of having to choose between taking dancing lessons and going out Sunday nights, the dancing lessons will have to take a back seat. I much prefer to have you with me Sunday nights. What do you mean, I’m going to have a steady position? The only one I can see is the same one I have been holding down for the past two months. Lots of work but no pay. However, if I was working and had the money to spare I wouldn’t object to taking lessons myself. I’m sure I could stand it if the instructors could. After the first lesson they would probably put on football uniforms for the next one.
M. Emma Coffin Irwin
Yes, I guess I did have my hair parted on the side Sunday night. My sister was here Sunday and she was responsible for the change. She runs a beauty parlor and I consented to let her shampoo my hair.2 Not being satisfied with that result I let it stand. Personally I can’t see any difference.
I don’t believe Fran will be able to open the station by Sunday. The pumps have not arrived and there is a lot of grading to be done after they are installed so it is quite likely we will both be in Albany Sunday as usual.
My watch tells me it is 8:55 and I must go down and listen to Fred Allen.3 I guess I have covered most of the points in your letter and there has been no excitement here to write about so I’ll call it a day and spend ninety-five long hours waiting to see you again.
Dave
April 3, 1935
70 Jay Street
Albany, N.Y.
Dear Dave,
Seems like all I ever do is write letters. You certainly occupy a lot of my time and I can’t dope out how I ever got into this terrible habit.
So Fran is getting worried about himself. No matter what Lydia makes him do, it isn’t any worse than what he did to her. He sure pulled a fast one when he gave her a ring one night and took her down to meet the family the next night. Lydia sure gave him a swell description of the family and one could hardly blame him for getting stage fright. However, they aren’t quite as bad as they sounded as though they might be. It will probably take a lot of convincing to make you believe they aren’t after seeing me.
I haven’t said I was going home yet. Lydia just told me and I suppose she thinks that is sufficient. Gee whiz, if they both go home and tell all they know about me, I’m sunk.
I am working late tonight or rather I am putting in my time while Mrs. Thorn is out. I’m glad she went because I don’t like to have her pile too much time up against me. I have to make up the time I take off when I go to the dentist. Lydia just called and wants me to come up and spend the night with her. She also tells me that she is staying until the first of May. Maybe I’m not relieved to hear that. I hate like the deuce to see her leave the city, but I suppose I’ll have to get used to it.
Something tells me that my slumber tonight is shot. When Lydia and I get together, we start talking and don’t seem to know when to shut up.
Since when did you start taking anything I said seriously? You should be well enough acquainted with me by this time to know that I am apt to say most anything, but fortunately I don’t mean quite everything I say. I had forgotten I ever made that crack about blind dates but now I remember it. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings and just to prove it, let me add that if there is anything I should be sorry for, I am willing to be forgiven. No kidding, I still say those blind dates are darned dangerous things. Just look at what one did to Lydia. Do I or don’t I like you? Wow! Was that direct or was it direct? Lemme see, I’ll have to think that one over. I guess I have no reason for not liking you, so what is there left to do? Of course you don’t keep your tie in, you swear when you get mad, and keep people from getting any sleep on Sunday nights, but maybe you’ll reform.
What do you mean “a family skeleton”? Holy cats, you sure have me worried. Don’t tell me you are getting a divorce also. Seems like I have heard of about a half dozen girls who have suddenly found out they were going with someone who was getting a divorce or thinking about it. I knew there was a catch in it somewhere, and to think it had to be one of those cute girls from Tennessee. So, have you been holding out on me?
Don’t mind me, you know I fell out of my high chair when I was an infant and have been like this ever since.
You tell LaVere that there would have been more jelly beans because if his big brother hadn’t thought they were black ones and devoured them. Yeah, what good did it do for you to look them over, you couldn’t have told whether they were black or red.
Nope, I’m going to fool you this time and not make any remarks about your life of ease. How do you like that? I bet you thought I was going to say that it must be swell to be able to stay out all night and sleep until noon the next day. I think some morning I’ll be awakened by Macbeth and dash down to the telephone, call the National Training School and say, “Please send a nurse up to 26 New Scotland to relieve Miss Parker.” Then I’ll go up and continue my snooze.
I assure you that I felt just as peppy as you did Monday. I managed to perform my duties and go to the dentist. When night came I was very sleepy, but I managed to finish a letter to you and crawl into bed. I sure am a martyr. I’m glad your mother fooled you. I would have but my ambition was below par.
What a life this is getting to be, every time Mrs. Fink eats I have to force her. I told her today I was getting tired of arguing between every mouthful, and if she didn’t start eating pretty soon, I would make her eat every hour. She sure does find fault with her food. Her arm is much better and she started sitting up in a chair again yesterday. Every night she declares that she is off medicine for life. I suppose if I have to give her a hypo this week, she will tell me to scram.
I had a date with Loretta last night, but she suddenly didn’t feel well and I was tired so we called it off again. I went home and wrote a letter to my mother and went to bed.
My disposition seems to be on the bias this week, if you know what I mean. What a time I have keeping it under control.
Nuff sed, so I’ll quit.
Ruth
Footnotes
- National Recovery Administration; a New Deal agency established by FDR in 1933.
- This was likely Emma (Coffin) Irwin (1899-1985), the youngest of the three sisters. She married Howard Irwin in 1922 and ran her own beauty shop until 1970.
- Fred Allen. Born John Florence Sullivan on May 31, 1894, Fred Allen began his career in Vaudeville before becoming one of radio’s most acerbic and admired wits. Allen and his wife, former chorus girl Portland Hoffa, began their radio career on October 23, 1932, starring on The Linit Bath Club Revue. By 1934, Allen was starring on Town Hall Tonight, a one-hour show which featured Allen examining current events and interviewing unusual guests. It was here that Allen began radio’s longest-running “feud” in 1937, when he made a series of jokes about fellow comedian Jack Benny.